Book review 5: The Dating Playbook: How To Win at Mjolo and Love– Dudu Nhlabathi-Madonsela

Never in my life did I think I would take an interest in following a dating coach. 

Yes, as a 90’s baby born after the release of Tata Nelson Mandela, we often believe we are in tune with romantic relationships. Until we come across Dudu’s profile we realise that perhaps we are not as informed about love and dating as we think we are. 

Let that sink in for a moment. 

My views about dating coaches were unorthodox, influenced by the culturally obscured and conditioned ways of dating.  Many of these views are regressive and many African women are familiar with  this cultural conditioning. As we begin evolving and becoming more self-aware, we realise that for the longest time we have been subjected to subtle forms of oppression. 

Culturally, many  of us were taught to “please”.  We were not taught how to date. The common narrative was that boys were “high-risk” and that associating with them would  inevitably lead to unwanted pregnancies. 

Our parents were not equipped to teach us about dating. Their upbringing did not empower them with the language or tools to guide us.  And  they deserve grace–many were navigating survival, poverty and fighting against the Apartheid system. Where would they have found the time?

There Is Light at the End of the Tunnel

I never intended to follow a dating coach, let alone purchase a dating book. You know, those endless scrolls when you’re idle and suddenly you come across Dudu’s profile?Yes, that was me. 

My first thought? A Black South African female dating coach. I was intrigued. What I appreciate about her is that she does not subscribe to “pick me” culture. 

Dudu shows up as the online rakgadi–a big sister who is authentic, relatable and brutally honest. If you still need your feelings constantly nurtured or nursed, she may not be for you! But if you are ready to receive the truth and grow, she is your go-to dating coach. 

At her core, she is an African that embodies African excellence. Her wisdom is supported by education, exposure and lived experience. Dudu has a rich perspective and her guidance is practical. 

Following Dudu and purchasing her book was truly a blessing in disguise. Beyond romantic relationships, her work calls for honest conversations within African households.

Key Lessons from The Dating Playbook

1. Conditioning and Socialisisation Matter 

Young women need to be raised in ways that elevate their self-esteem. When women are secure in who they are, imposter syndrome cannot dominate them in the boardroom– nor will they feel the need to audition for a place in a man’s life. 

That alone deserves reflection. 

2. Background Influences Relationship Success 

The success of romantic relationships is often rooted in our upbringing. How and where we are raised shapes how we love. Our partners also influence our trajectory. 

Dudu encourages logic alongside emotions. Emotions and chemistry are beautiful, but when couples are not grounded in similar principles and values, future conflict becomes likely.

3. “Mr Right” Is Not a Fantasy–But Neither Are You 

The so-called “Mr Right” we often want doesn’t exist or let me say he does not simply appear while we remain stagnant. Fortunately you can be your own “Mrs Right”. 

Okay, let me give you a bit of context here. 

You cannot expect to attract a “high-value”  partner without investing in your own growth. The same applies to men. 

You cannot give what you do not have. 

The responsibility is mutual.

Personally, I want to thank Sis Dudu for writing The Dating PlayBook. This is not a conventional “do this to get a man” book. And, thankfully she does not indulge in the oversimplified “feminine energy” rhetoric that floods social media. 

Her book is real. Confrontational. Expansive.  Because dating is broad–and there is always room to learn as it evolves. 

The book did not only challenge me; it affirmed my stance on romantic relationships. My advice? Read it with the intention to confront, unlearn and evolve. 

And  perhaps I am pushing it, but sis Dudu should seriously consider becoming a marriage counsellor. 

Ngiyabonga kakhulu, khuphuka Ngonyama! 

Book 5 of 2026.

A wholesome book and I highly recommend it. 

Phiwe Mncwabe is a pan-African storyteller, blogger and founder of Botlhale Hub Afrika.

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