Book review: We were perfect parents until we had children by Authors Vanessa Raphaely and Karin Schimke

I’ve once mentioned this in one of my book reviews that books find me. I find this to be very true. I am mentioning this because I often get asked how I select my picks. My response is simple. I usually have a list of titles that I look out for. Although, I always keep in mind that at any given moment, I can easily be captured by a title that is not on my list. My feet also lead to new book stores all the time. This particular book found me when I was not looking for it. 

I was greeted by the title and the colour of the book. I mean like wouldn’t ‘’We were perfect parents until we had children’’ also turn your head. To top it off the sweet or rosy pink cover. There it was my next read and I was hooked. Before I review this very insightful read, allow me to send e-hugs to all the parents. Biological parents, aunties, uncles, grandparents, friends and communities that are helping raise children. Raising children is a beautiful journey. It is not easy and having a community supporting you makes it worthwhile. 

Here I give you an e-hug and remind you that you are doing the best that you can. Raising children has and will never be easy. I come in love and comfort to say breathe. Take it a day at a time. You are not alone, there are communities readily available to assist you. To the lovely ladies Karin and Vanessa who put this wonderful book together thank you so much. I’ve seen your role in reminding parents that although we are different. Parents share common struggles when raising teens, tweens, young adults, neurodivergent  or queer children etc 

Reading ‘’We were perfect parents until we had children’’ had me gasping in the beginning and a  huge sigh of relief towards the end. I think because as a daughter raised by village parents, I understand the struggles faced by my parents. More than anything as a young adult I clearly understand what lessons they were trying to impart. I see my parents’ role now more than ever and I appreciate their presence in my life. 

I would love to share some authentic lessons that I took from reading ‘’We were perfect parents until we had children’’.

Firstly, is that parents are human. Before, they were parents, they were children. It’s very normal to get consumed in the parenting role that you end up forgetting that you are human. You also deserve time out and to breathe. It is okay when you don’t have the parenting role figured out at all times. Be human and allow your children to see the human aspect of you.  

Secondly, your children are human. Your children are different from you. The era or circumstances they are raised in are not the same as yours. There is technology, social media and so much more to take into consideration. Therefore, we need to keep an open mind to children wanting to explore what’s out there. I know that sounds very scary and yes it is. However, this is the generation that they form part of. 

Thirdly, let’s move away from raising perfect kids. Rather be concerned with raising decent and principled children. Perfection doesn’t exist. We need to raise children that can identify wrong from right. Children that are aware of the consequences that lie from unethical conduct. Children that are bold enough to do the right thing, not the good thing. Children that are kind, fair, courteous and courageous. 

Fourthly , communication is key. We need to have the courage to talk to children about anything, even the uncomfortable talks. As someone raised by enlightened village parents, by virtue of their occupation. I knew from a very early age what rape was. I knew about drugs and sex. My parents were constantly telling my siblings and I because of the cases they dealt with. This made me very much aware of social issues from a tender age. Therefore, we need to make it a priority to talk about even the uncomfortable, especially in our African homes. We tend to shy away from sensitive talks because of how our parents were raised. Talking to children creates awareness and also builds trust .

Lastly,  embrace and accept your children. All children are different. All children have a purpose to fulfill. Embrace, love and accept their differences. Let their difference shine and not be shunned. As an aunty to a nephew with autism I can attest to this concept. We love and embrace my nephew’s differences. By loving and accepting him we have learnt to see how he views the world. It is a blessing having him show us his view of the world. Sometimes, we may not understand him, however, there is so much grace to learn. 

This book was not written for the parents only. However, as families we sometimes misunderstand one another or children that are part of our families. This is a reminder to get back to the basics. We need to exercise patience and extend our empathy a little more. Maybe also relearn kindness. I know it’s not easy, especially the kindness part. However, what if I told you that people’s lives change because of an act of kindness?

What an insightful, easy and wholesome read. I highly recommend you read it.

I am not affiliated to any political party. I am affiliated to the Africans. 

The views that  I share are mine and not affiliated to any employer. These views are not meant to bring harm.

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