Lesson 5: Be discerning in social settings!

I know that it’s very late, however I am still sharing the lessons I have learnt in my twenties. Aside from traveling on the African continent, reading or writing. I love exploring my surroundings and honouring invitations that I receive from friends. I always make time to attend social gatherings. Well,  this was not the case before the covid-19 pandemic. 

I dreaded attending events or being around people. I found that people in social settings took an interest in measuring one’s successes or failures. I mean, we meet people that we haven’t seen in ages and the first question we ask would be ‘’what do you do?’’. I despised that question and really could not comprehend why people would ask that question. 

We are aware of the state of the economy and sometimes this question contributes to making people feel inadequate. It is that very question that results in some rejecting invitations to these social gatherings. Questions like this have a way of reminding people that they don’t have a place in society. I believe what triggers me with this question is that sometimes it is really being asked out of malice.

We need to be progressive and display empathy when tackling this question in social settings. This is because the ones that ask out of malice just get the answer  ‘’unemployed’’ to mock you. The other is the sincere have you tried looking on this website for opportunities and so forth. 

It is really not easy to show vulnerability in the face of adversity. Therefore, I believe that people resort to not attending social gatherings or if they do you don’t find them mingling. 

Therefore, as a serial networker on and offline I have learnt to be very discerning in social gatherings. I don’t ask where people work or if they do because it has nothing to do with me. I have rather learnt to ask how people are doing. That is where I find touch with humanity. A simple ‘’how are you?’’ can heal  a soul.

I think what I am trying to emphasise is the importance of getting in touch with humanity. People are fighting silent demons that they don’t talk about. Some are fighting depression and anxiety on a daily basis. How can I forget to mention the imposter syndrome just before facing the world. It is not easy and we need to be kinder to the ones around us. I know that  ‘’what do you do?’’ has gotten some opportunities however, this very question has some spirits broken. 

Therefore, can we please be more discerning of who to ask and if we ask maybe come up with solutions in the process. I am pleading with you as someone who spent time not wanting to be around people because I dreaded these interview questions people asked me. To date, I am a social butterfly however it was not always like this. I had to fight my demons and understand I am not what I do for me to set out to the world. 

Lesson 5 from my twenties is simple: let us learn to be discerning in social settings and wait for people to let us in voluntarily!

I hope I moved someone today. Step outside of the house and mingle. Stand firm in who you are. In other news, this was me at a friend’s wedding on Saturday ready to mingle.

In the comments section please answer:  how are you?

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